i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
