Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Dicks are not precious.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
