i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
