yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
