so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
