Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
