i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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