the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
