I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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