this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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