I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
