Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
