That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
