its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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