He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
