therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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