I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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