if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
