What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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