Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I currently don't understand fingers.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
