dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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