I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
ugly people sure do ruin things
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
