as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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