I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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