I'm gonna have a badass scar
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
