i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
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