Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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