I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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