If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
