Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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