I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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