When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
