You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
