I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
