Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
