I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
