She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
