I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
