Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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