She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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