If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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