My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
this just has baby written all over it
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
