guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
