I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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