Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
