i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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