I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
