P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
