We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
