At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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