the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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