The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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