my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
