Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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